That In-Between Stage

A couple of weeks ago, we were sitting around the table talking. The subject came up of me tucking them in at night. Dane commented how much it meant to him that I tuck him in while he's still awake. Daelyn said he preferred to have Daddy tuck him in. All of a sudden, I noticed Deanna was softly crying.

Tears were rolling, almost silently, down her face that had clouded up. I couldn't even imagine what had brought that on.

"Deanna," I asked, "what's wrong, honey?"

It took some time to get a response from her but, eventually, her true feelings bubbled out.

"You don't tuck me IN anymore," she blurted out.

This is one of those situations that you just instinctively understand must be handled very carefully.

"I didn't think you wanted me to tuck you in at night," I replied, very gently.

"Just because I'm not usually IN BED when you come to tuck me in, you stopped," she commented, a little accusingly.

"No, honey. That's not it. I always check in on the boys just before I go to bed, and I could you, too, but I thought you didn't want that anymore. For some reason, I got the impression YOU thought you were too old for that."

The tears began to well up again and poured harder than before.

"Mama," she sobbed, "I STILL need you to tuck me in."

WOW, I thought. Did I ever misread that one. I had figured that, now that she's 13 and goes to bed when she pleases, that connection with me had severed. I sure was wrong.

I quickly reassured her that I'd start tucking her in again. A few minutes later, after she pulled her emotions together, she looked at me hard.

"Mama, I know I'm getting older and there are a lot of things you let me do for myself, but I'm not ready to be grown yet. I still need to feel like your little girl."

If she could just understand how hard it's been for me to stay away from her room at night, she'd laugh, I'm sure. I'm trying so hard to let her grow up, and it's not very easy. Now I find that, at least in this way, that's not what SHE wants. She's at that inbetween stage, which I remember from my own life. She wants to be treated like an adult in some ways but not in others. She wants more responsibility and privileges, but she doesn't want things taken away that bring her comfort.

The path to her bedroom is well-worn again. Often, she's sound asleep, but as I make the sign of the cross on her forehead and whisper in the darkness that I love her, she often stirs and responds with an "I love you, too, Mommy".

Boy, am I thankful for that kitchen table and the conversations held around it. Much healing and togetherness has come of it. The Holy Spirit has taken full advantage of the hours we spend in the kitchen together.