I'm on a cleaning binge, which makes my family VERY happy!! I've joined a Women's Book Study Group and we're exploring the book, "A Mother's Rule of Life". The book tackles the complicated subject of bringing order to every aspect of our lives as mothers.
The more I read, the more I'm energized to get organized. This is a perpetual odyssey for me. I feel like I'm on the hunt for The Holy Grail.
I haven't really accomplished huge amounts yet, but the little things that I've been able to tackle have left me with anticipation of still more to come. Yesterday, I cleaned out Daelyn's closet. It began as a simple hunt for empty hangars to use for the clean laundry. But his closet was so disorderly, I decided to neaten it. Well, if you're going to take the time to neaten it, I reasoned, you might as well get rid of the things that don't fit any longer. The really good news about this task, though, is that I bagged up all his ill-fitting clothes, included several bags that Don packed up last year and a bag of shoes that the children had gathered that no longer fitted, and delivered them to a friend's house. She has several young boys and will be able to use some of the clothes. I encouraged her to pass along what she didn't need, but FOUR BAGS are OUT of my house!!! YAY!!
The day before, I tackled Don's side of our bathroom counter. I plan on finished the bathroom today. Before that, I tackled the Den, which now is able to be used once again. If I get any extra time today, I need to begin working on the living room, which still have the refuse from the Yard Sale several weeks ago, untouched.
The key to organizing, for me, is not just to clean, but to get RID of stuff. We accumulate more stuff than you can ever imagine. So the four bags leaving my house was a huge victory to me. A friend of mine has suggested that we go to a Second-Hand store that specializes in children's items to rid my living room of the nicer items that didn't disappear in the Yard Sale, such as the changing table and the crib set. Maybe we can tackle that next week. I hope so.
It feels good to bring order but I can only keep order if I spend some time at home, which seldom happens. This has been a good week; lots of days home to clean. But that's not always the case. The point of "A Mother's Rule of Life" is to arrange your life so that, even if nothing else is accomplished in the home, order still prevails. We'll see how well it works for me. I'm only on Chapter 3.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
Belated Birthday Blessings
Last Monday was Don's birthday. I wanted to write a Post honoring him, but life got in the way. Then, yesterday, when I sat down to write, I read the beautiful tribute to her mother-in-law that my friend, Kelly, wrote. Pretty hard to compete with that. And eloquent words just don't flow when I think of Don. I decided to take another stab at it today and, maybe, just put my thoughts in plain words, without the eloquence and beauty that some of my other friends seem to be able to pen.
When I first met Don, I was immediately attracted to him. He's a quiet man, but you catch a sense of extreme strength hovering just below the surface. He has a wonderful, gleaming smile and eyes that twinkle when he's kidding or poking fun at someone. His gentleness is one of the first things that is apparent about him. Strength and gentleness - hmm! No wonder I was attracted to him.
On our very first date, I realized that he's a man that's in control. He was confortable, confident, and very, very funny. Don has a fabulous sense of humor, but in a very quiet way. If you're not watching for it, you'll never experience it. One of the things I realized early on in our relationship was that, when passion was gone or we were too old to care about those things, Don would keep life fun for me. His humor and approach to life would linger until death. I love being with him. He makes everyday chores seem like family time at the park. He'll walk by me in the kitchen while I'm doing dishes and deadpan about some crazy thing he just saw outside. He clips articles from magazines and newspapers and leaves them at our places at the table - last week, there was an article in an SRS Newsletter about an alligator they call "Mr. Stumpy". He and his mate have parented approximately 500 young and Don included a picture of Stumpy with one of his hatchlings riding on his back. What makes the story funny is that Deanna's terrified of alligators and Don's determined to break her of her fear. For her 13th birthday, when we honored her at an Assembly at school, Don brought (unbeknownst to me - it was HIS thing with his daughter, not mine) a stuffed alligator with a chicken inside it. He explained that alligators were nothing to be afraid of - they were just chickens wearing alligator suits. He's bought Deanna alligator pencil holders and worked very hard at assuaging her fear through humor.
Which brings me to the next point; Don LOVES his children. I'm not sure I've ever seen a man so in love with his family. He buys Christmas presents for each of the children just from him. He thinks about it for months and comes up with the perfect idea, then goes out alone to buy the presents, wraps them himself, and refuses to even tell me what he bought them. Time after time, it turns out to be the perfect gift, but it's always something that has to do with HIS relationship with them. I buy the presents from "us", he buys the presents from Daddy. Several years ago, he started giving them an end-of-school gift, also. This shocked me. To me, the end of school was gift enough. But Don is so proud of the effort his children put into school and the grades they make that he felt they needed a reward at the end of the school year, so he always buys them something special to begin the summer.
Many years ago, when the children were young, I noticed that Don would come out to the van as we were leaving for trips with things tucked behind his back. It didn't take me long to discover that he always picks up something special for the children before road trips or vacations. If it'll be a long drive, he buys them a new movie. If we're going to the beach and he thinks there will be downtime or bad weather, he brings some Lego project for them to complete together. He always buys them new beach toys - every year. There's always something special hidden away for them when they get bored. None of these things are usually expensive. Don shops the clearance aisles and stashes away things when he can get them for a song. It's not the money he spends, it's the thought he puts into each gift.
He's always been a tremendous help to the children with school work. He leaves anything to me that he feels requires "artistic ability" (which I find laughable, because the artistic genes definitely come from HIS side of the family), but math, science, even helping edit writing projects are all things he's willing to take on. Since starting high school, he's spent hours with Deanna, helping her with physics, computer skills, explaining the concepts in Algebra and, more importantly, teaching her how to use the laptop more effectively. The evening of the first day of school, I found him sprawled on Deanna's bed working side-by-side with her on her homework.
Don has never felt threatened by me. I'm a very strong, opinionated woman, but he's way stronger. My family laughs often because, as they say, Don lets me think I'm in charge and make decisions when he doesn't really care about them, but just when I think he's not paying attention and I get a little heavy-handed, out pops the "in-control" Don to set me straight and bring proper order back into our family life. He rules the roost with an iron hand, albeit an invisible one. My father told me years ago that he didn't think Don ever told me "no". I laughed. Don tells me no all the time. But I learned two years into our marriage that there is no changing his mind, so I don't talk about the things to which he says no. I tried manipulating, getting angry, the silent treatment, and every other device known to woman. Nothing worked. When Don says no, the answer is no - period. He's impervious to my feminine wiles.
On the other hand, Don has incredible wisdom. I love talking to him. He always sees things from a very different perspective than mine. When I have a problem or can't quite think through something, I'm quick to run to Don. He usually has the perfect solution and, normally, it's something that would never have crossed my mind. And he's able to mention these things in such a gentle, kind way that I never feel ordered around. He just speaks wisdom and I hear it for what it is.
Once, when we were going through a particularly difficult time with one of our children, Don suggested me taking the children to his parents' for 3 months. He told me I could homeschool them there, but that would get the child out of the difficult situation and give them a little break. I scoffed. "I can't move in with your parents!! Have you even asked them? They couldn't handle us being there for 3 months. Besides, the children couldn't miss 3 months of school!" I dismissed his suggestion without a second thought. A week later, we got the offer to go to England - for 3 months. We took the kids out of school and I homeschooled them there. The child got the needed break and God worked around my shortsightedness and my dismissal of my husband's idea. Now, of course, I can see that God probably wanted us in West Virginia and was speaking through my husband but, because of my stubbornness, he had to work another way that was more palatable to me. After our return from England, while visiting my in-laws, I told Mom about this. She was quick to tell me that I should have come there; that those are her grandchildren and she'd make do.
"Anytime you need to get away, Honey, you come here. Three months would have been fine with me."
Does this man that I love and respect so much have faults? Yes, of course, just like all humans. But he's so-o-o-o-o-o perfect for me, so truly God's choice for me. When we announced our engagement, some friends that knew us both well expressed surprise.
"You two have absolutely NOTHING in common," they said. That's true. Don loves the mountains, I love the beach. He loves Mexican, I love Italian. He's quiet and doesn't like groups. I'm energized by social contact and come alive entertaining large groups. He likes bland foods, I like flavorful. He likes simple, I like complicated. He's dark, I'm fair. The list of differences goes on and on. Truly, the only things we had in common were our love of God, our senses of humor, and our love and respect for each other. But that was enough. We've made a wonderful life together, mostly because of him.
My friend, Jim Guinan, is fond of jokingly saying about his wife, "She's the gorilla of my dreams!" Along those same lines, Don may not be perfect, or anything like me, but he's the Manta 'o MY dreams.
Happy Belated Birthday, my love. I'm looking forward to many more.
When I first met Don, I was immediately attracted to him. He's a quiet man, but you catch a sense of extreme strength hovering just below the surface. He has a wonderful, gleaming smile and eyes that twinkle when he's kidding or poking fun at someone. His gentleness is one of the first things that is apparent about him. Strength and gentleness - hmm! No wonder I was attracted to him.
On our very first date, I realized that he's a man that's in control. He was confortable, confident, and very, very funny. Don has a fabulous sense of humor, but in a very quiet way. If you're not watching for it, you'll never experience it. One of the things I realized early on in our relationship was that, when passion was gone or we were too old to care about those things, Don would keep life fun for me. His humor and approach to life would linger until death. I love being with him. He makes everyday chores seem like family time at the park. He'll walk by me in the kitchen while I'm doing dishes and deadpan about some crazy thing he just saw outside. He clips articles from magazines and newspapers and leaves them at our places at the table - last week, there was an article in an SRS Newsletter about an alligator they call "Mr. Stumpy". He and his mate have parented approximately 500 young and Don included a picture of Stumpy with one of his hatchlings riding on his back. What makes the story funny is that Deanna's terrified of alligators and Don's determined to break her of her fear. For her 13th birthday, when we honored her at an Assembly at school, Don brought (unbeknownst to me - it was HIS thing with his daughter, not mine) a stuffed alligator with a chicken inside it. He explained that alligators were nothing to be afraid of - they were just chickens wearing alligator suits. He's bought Deanna alligator pencil holders and worked very hard at assuaging her fear through humor.
Which brings me to the next point; Don LOVES his children. I'm not sure I've ever seen a man so in love with his family. He buys Christmas presents for each of the children just from him. He thinks about it for months and comes up with the perfect idea, then goes out alone to buy the presents, wraps them himself, and refuses to even tell me what he bought them. Time after time, it turns out to be the perfect gift, but it's always something that has to do with HIS relationship with them. I buy the presents from "us", he buys the presents from Daddy. Several years ago, he started giving them an end-of-school gift, also. This shocked me. To me, the end of school was gift enough. But Don is so proud of the effort his children put into school and the grades they make that he felt they needed a reward at the end of the school year, so he always buys them something special to begin the summer.
Many years ago, when the children were young, I noticed that Don would come out to the van as we were leaving for trips with things tucked behind his back. It didn't take me long to discover that he always picks up something special for the children before road trips or vacations. If it'll be a long drive, he buys them a new movie. If we're going to the beach and he thinks there will be downtime or bad weather, he brings some Lego project for them to complete together. He always buys them new beach toys - every year. There's always something special hidden away for them when they get bored. None of these things are usually expensive. Don shops the clearance aisles and stashes away things when he can get them for a song. It's not the money he spends, it's the thought he puts into each gift.
He's always been a tremendous help to the children with school work. He leaves anything to me that he feels requires "artistic ability" (which I find laughable, because the artistic genes definitely come from HIS side of the family), but math, science, even helping edit writing projects are all things he's willing to take on. Since starting high school, he's spent hours with Deanna, helping her with physics, computer skills, explaining the concepts in Algebra and, more importantly, teaching her how to use the laptop more effectively. The evening of the first day of school, I found him sprawled on Deanna's bed working side-by-side with her on her homework.
Don has never felt threatened by me. I'm a very strong, opinionated woman, but he's way stronger. My family laughs often because, as they say, Don lets me think I'm in charge and make decisions when he doesn't really care about them, but just when I think he's not paying attention and I get a little heavy-handed, out pops the "in-control" Don to set me straight and bring proper order back into our family life. He rules the roost with an iron hand, albeit an invisible one. My father told me years ago that he didn't think Don ever told me "no". I laughed. Don tells me no all the time. But I learned two years into our marriage that there is no changing his mind, so I don't talk about the things to which he says no. I tried manipulating, getting angry, the silent treatment, and every other device known to woman. Nothing worked. When Don says no, the answer is no - period. He's impervious to my feminine wiles.
On the other hand, Don has incredible wisdom. I love talking to him. He always sees things from a very different perspective than mine. When I have a problem or can't quite think through something, I'm quick to run to Don. He usually has the perfect solution and, normally, it's something that would never have crossed my mind. And he's able to mention these things in such a gentle, kind way that I never feel ordered around. He just speaks wisdom and I hear it for what it is.
Once, when we were going through a particularly difficult time with one of our children, Don suggested me taking the children to his parents' for 3 months. He told me I could homeschool them there, but that would get the child out of the difficult situation and give them a little break. I scoffed. "I can't move in with your parents!! Have you even asked them? They couldn't handle us being there for 3 months. Besides, the children couldn't miss 3 months of school!" I dismissed his suggestion without a second thought. A week later, we got the offer to go to England - for 3 months. We took the kids out of school and I homeschooled them there. The child got the needed break and God worked around my shortsightedness and my dismissal of my husband's idea. Now, of course, I can see that God probably wanted us in West Virginia and was speaking through my husband but, because of my stubbornness, he had to work another way that was more palatable to me. After our return from England, while visiting my in-laws, I told Mom about this. She was quick to tell me that I should have come there; that those are her grandchildren and she'd make do.
"Anytime you need to get away, Honey, you come here. Three months would have been fine with me."
Does this man that I love and respect so much have faults? Yes, of course, just like all humans. But he's so-o-o-o-o-o perfect for me, so truly God's choice for me. When we announced our engagement, some friends that knew us both well expressed surprise.
"You two have absolutely NOTHING in common," they said. That's true. Don loves the mountains, I love the beach. He loves Mexican, I love Italian. He's quiet and doesn't like groups. I'm energized by social contact and come alive entertaining large groups. He likes bland foods, I like flavorful. He likes simple, I like complicated. He's dark, I'm fair. The list of differences goes on and on. Truly, the only things we had in common were our love of God, our senses of humor, and our love and respect for each other. But that was enough. We've made a wonderful life together, mostly because of him.
My friend, Jim Guinan, is fond of jokingly saying about his wife, "She's the gorilla of my dreams!" Along those same lines, Don may not be perfect, or anything like me, but he's the Manta 'o MY dreams.
Happy Belated Birthday, my love. I'm looking forward to many more.
Tuesday, October 04, 2011
One Small Step . . .
I'm a bit of an organization freak. Most people who've seen my house might not believe this, but it's true. I make my Menus a month to six weeks at a time, then make my grocery list weekly from my menus. I have a master list of things I like to cook and I pull that out when planning my menus. I have a menu for school year breakfasts, Monday through Friday, with variations from week to week. I have a school year lunch menu - what I put in lunchboxes each school day, again, with variations noted. I have a snack menu that I fill out for about 4 weeks at a time, planning out what the children can have everyday for their after-school snack. I have a chore list for each of the children, a detailed daily morning and afternoon schedule for the boys (Deanna's exempt since she's proven she can schedule her own time quite well), and a clip on my fridge that holds Invitations, notes from teachers, carpool schedules for events . . . anything to which I might need to refer again. Also posted on the fridge is my monthly schedule with appointments, after-school activities, evening commitments, and whatever else I need to do outside of the house.
So it should come as no surprise that I've perfected planning for a trip. When our children were little, going out to dinner was such a hassle that we seldom ventured out. The kids would get fussy, service might be slow and they'd start screaming from hunger or fatigue. It was impossible to eat out and get them home in time for bed. We adjusted our lifestyle accordingly, and there it has stayed.
We almost never eat out, even when on vacation. I try to plan ONE night out while vacationing just so I don't have dinner preparations and clean-up. But, the majority of the time, I'm in the kitchen preparing three meals a day while everyone else is relaxing, enjoying the pool or beach, etc. I try hard to prepare as many meals in advance as possible and freeze them, making preparation minimal. But there's still warming up, making side-dishes, and all the other preparation tasks that come with eating at home.
I start my planning process with a menu. I plan breakfast, lunch, and dinner for each day we'l be gone, including snacks, desserts, beverages. Then, from the menus, I put together a Master Food List. This includes everything I need to make each of the items on the menu. For instance, salt and pepper and butter would be on my Master Food List but not necessarily on my menu. Once I have my master food list, I go through it and mark all the items I plan on taking from home. Next, I transfer these items to a Kitchen Packing List so I can mark them off once they're packed. The remaining items on my master list get transferred to a Grocery List and put in my purse so it's handy after we arrive at our destination.
This all may seem like a lot of work, but it's the only thing that keeps me sane. Twice, when packing for trips, major problems have arisen. Once, I had a miscarriage and was released from the hospital the day we were to leave on our trip. Another time, I was hospitalized for a severe sinus infection and put on IV antibiotics with the possibility of surgery looming over me. The doctors decided to release me so I could go to the beach with my family if I promised to have sinus surgery upon my return. I got home from the hospital the night before we were scheduled to leave on vacation. In both of these instances, there were no lists. I was packing by the seat of my pants. Needless to say, we had numerous daily trips to the grocery store and several meals we couldn't pull off because I wasn't going to buy a dozen eggs that we couldn't use to get the one that we needed or a 5-lb. bag of sugar so I could sweeten my coffee. I am totally convinced that the only way to prepare for a trip where we will be cooking is the very extremely ordered way to which I am accustomed.
We are planning a short visit for the Beach this weekend for a Reunion. Thus, a menu, a packing list, and a grocery list was needed. I sat down this morning and knocked it all out. Now I just have to do the packing, make the brownies and cookies, make a few preparations for Deanna's birthday cake to take with me, and I'll be ready to tackle the trip peacefully. It's amazing how much peace a little organization can give me.
I say this very tongue-in-cheek as I glance up from the computer screen to my house. We had a yard sale Saturday and there is only a small, tight path between the boxes and bags through the hallways, the living room, and the dining room. Disarray and disorder surrounds me, yet I can be at peace because I have my lists for the trip prepared.
The bottom line is I'll take whatever I can get right now. And, it seems the most I can get is a packing list. Thank goodness for that.
So it should come as no surprise that I've perfected planning for a trip. When our children were little, going out to dinner was such a hassle that we seldom ventured out. The kids would get fussy, service might be slow and they'd start screaming from hunger or fatigue. It was impossible to eat out and get them home in time for bed. We adjusted our lifestyle accordingly, and there it has stayed.
We almost never eat out, even when on vacation. I try to plan ONE night out while vacationing just so I don't have dinner preparations and clean-up. But, the majority of the time, I'm in the kitchen preparing three meals a day while everyone else is relaxing, enjoying the pool or beach, etc. I try hard to prepare as many meals in advance as possible and freeze them, making preparation minimal. But there's still warming up, making side-dishes, and all the other preparation tasks that come with eating at home.
I start my planning process with a menu. I plan breakfast, lunch, and dinner for each day we'l be gone, including snacks, desserts, beverages. Then, from the menus, I put together a Master Food List. This includes everything I need to make each of the items on the menu. For instance, salt and pepper and butter would be on my Master Food List but not necessarily on my menu. Once I have my master food list, I go through it and mark all the items I plan on taking from home. Next, I transfer these items to a Kitchen Packing List so I can mark them off once they're packed. The remaining items on my master list get transferred to a Grocery List and put in my purse so it's handy after we arrive at our destination.
This all may seem like a lot of work, but it's the only thing that keeps me sane. Twice, when packing for trips, major problems have arisen. Once, I had a miscarriage and was released from the hospital the day we were to leave on our trip. Another time, I was hospitalized for a severe sinus infection and put on IV antibiotics with the possibility of surgery looming over me. The doctors decided to release me so I could go to the beach with my family if I promised to have sinus surgery upon my return. I got home from the hospital the night before we were scheduled to leave on vacation. In both of these instances, there were no lists. I was packing by the seat of my pants. Needless to say, we had numerous daily trips to the grocery store and several meals we couldn't pull off because I wasn't going to buy a dozen eggs that we couldn't use to get the one that we needed or a 5-lb. bag of sugar so I could sweeten my coffee. I am totally convinced that the only way to prepare for a trip where we will be cooking is the very extremely ordered way to which I am accustomed.
We are planning a short visit for the Beach this weekend for a Reunion. Thus, a menu, a packing list, and a grocery list was needed. I sat down this morning and knocked it all out. Now I just have to do the packing, make the brownies and cookies, make a few preparations for Deanna's birthday cake to take with me, and I'll be ready to tackle the trip peacefully. It's amazing how much peace a little organization can give me.
I say this very tongue-in-cheek as I glance up from the computer screen to my house. We had a yard sale Saturday and there is only a small, tight path between the boxes and bags through the hallways, the living room, and the dining room. Disarray and disorder surrounds me, yet I can be at peace because I have my lists for the trip prepared.
The bottom line is I'll take whatever I can get right now. And, it seems the most I can get is a packing list. Thank goodness for that.
Monday, October 03, 2011
It Happens to the Best of Us
On the way home from church yesterday, driving down the big hill in North Augusta, Daelyn asked thoughtfully,
"Mom, is THAT thing a tree or something else?"
We all glanced up at the towering "thing". I've never been able to figure that out myself. It looks like a pine tree, but the branches don't start until very near the top and it's really, really tall.
"Honey, I have no idea," I responded. "It looks like a tree, but I just don't know for sure."
Don cut through the confusion.
"It's a radio tower that they disguised to LOOK like a tree," he explained - - which led to much quiet thoughtfulness.
Finally, I asked the question.
"If they intended to make it look like a tree, why didn't they put branches all the way up?"
"I don't know," Don said. "But they must have tried to disguise it because of some type of city ordinance or something."
Daelyn, in true Daelyn fashion, responded quietly, "Maybe they ran out of funding."
"Mom, is THAT thing a tree or something else?"
We all glanced up at the towering "thing". I've never been able to figure that out myself. It looks like a pine tree, but the branches don't start until very near the top and it's really, really tall.
"Honey, I have no idea," I responded. "It looks like a tree, but I just don't know for sure."
Don cut through the confusion.
"It's a radio tower that they disguised to LOOK like a tree," he explained - - which led to much quiet thoughtfulness.
Finally, I asked the question.
"If they intended to make it look like a tree, why didn't they put branches all the way up?"
"I don't know," Don said. "But they must have tried to disguise it because of some type of city ordinance or something."
Daelyn, in true Daelyn fashion, responded quietly, "Maybe they ran out of funding."
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