Ooooh, having a baby in my arms again!! There's nothing as sweet as a happy, soft baby. They coo, snuggle against you, and smile into your face - a big package of pure love.
This morning, I sat holding the Kent baby, Michaela, and rocking her while feeding her a bottle. Her eyelids got heavy and began to droop. Soon, her breathing was deep and even. I held her close. It was so wonderful to have a baby to myself, if just for a few hours.
Gone are the days of infants for me. My baby is 3 1/2 and getting more independent every day. When Don and I were told by the doctors that another pregnancy would kill me, we reluctantly agreed to a surgical option to keep me alive to raise the three I already had. It was a hard choice. But all signs that we could see pointed to the truth of what the doctors were saying. And we already had three little miracles. Trying to push the envelope would have been extremely dangerous and could have left my three motherless.
In the days following our decision, I would see mothers nuzzling their babies and long for another chance. For a season, it was even difficult to hold other people's babies, knowing I had to return them. One hope stood out in my thoughts. I have a daughter. One day she'll give me grandbabies, and I'll have another chance to snuggle, hold, and cuddle a baby that's mine.
I don't expect too much from my sons. Although I pray every night that God will send them a godly wife who loves them, respects them, and honors them (and that they'll always live close to their Daddy and I), I know the reality of sons relationships to their mothers. Once they're married, they'll belong to someone else and her mother will be the main impact in her life and the lives of their children. Daughters naturally look to their mothers. The children of your daughters are always closer to you than the children on your sons.
Even though I know this to be the case (I've seen it evidenced in my siblings as well as in the lives of many close friends), I still hold out hope that my sons' children will always be close to me. I pray for that relationship daily. I believe they will marry young women who have a close relationship with me and, perhaps, their bond with me will be strong enough to stretch across normal human tendencies and they will be willing to selflessly share their babies with me.
So I wait for my children to mature and, in the meantime, I pray. Lord, send a baby into my arms, one that shares my blood, that I can hold, love, and nurture. Send many. Let my children be fruitful and their spouses be unselfish. And, in the meantime, let me hold this beautiful little baby who's lost her mother and snuggle her tight. We both need it.
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