To Laugh or Not to Laugh . . . that is the question.

Deanna came home from school one day last week upset. It seems they were playing kickball at P.E. One of the girls in her class was up and, as she ran towards the ball to kick it, it somehow missed her first foot and got stuck between her two feet. The girls all laughed, including the one trying to get past the ball, but when her friends continued laughing, she got hurt feelings and started to cry. Deanna said she wasn't laughing and some of the girls took it a little too far. They got into trouble with the coach and Deanna felt really bad for her sweet friend, a girl we dearly love.

It brought up an interesting question. Is it okay to laugh at something that's objectively funny when it involves another person. I'm terrible about that. My kids are always doing crazy things like using the wrong words, falling off the bench at the kitchen table, etc. I can't help myself - I'm not making FUN of them, I just think the humor in it is so unique and it catches me so off-guard that I crack up. Deanna has told me before that she feels like I'm making fun of her. I've assured her that I'm not, that I'm laughing WITH her, not AT her and pointed out that, normally, she's laughing too. The last time she got hurt feelings, I started pointing out to her the times she did the same thing to her brothers.

"Were you making fun of them?" I asked her.

"No, Mama, of course not. It was just funny."

"And that's how I feel, too, honey. When you do those funny things, I'm not making fun of you - I'm just appreciating the humor in them."

I think she's beginning to see it and I think it probably is a more sensitive issue right now because of her age. We don't laugh if the person involved in the incident is hurt (unless it's REALLY funny and I try hard to stifle while I'm running to help the hurt child).

I know I must sound terribly callous. There was a time when one of the kids fell off the bench and, literally, turned a flip on their way down. It cracked me up. I wanted to hold up a score card and yell, "10". The injured child was quite insulted and cried. I rushed to him/her, bending down to assess the damage, but I just couldn't stop laughing.

"I'm so sorry, hon. Are you okay? (Ha, ha!)"

"NO! I hurt my shoulder and my foot, Mama."

(Ha, heh!) "Oh, I'm so sorry. Let me help you up." (Chortle, laugh)

I WAS sorry they were hurt, but I couldn't quite get the picture out of my mind. It was like a spontaneous slapstick comedy right there at my kitchen table. The child got angry.

"STOP laughing, Mama. It's NOT funny. I'm hurt!"

"But, honey, it really WAS funny. I'm sorry to be laughing, but you nailed the landing!"

When the child looked around and noticed his/her siblings cracking up and they began explaining the humor of the fall, the child finally saw the humor and began to chuckle.

Every now and then, Deanna will call me "Evil Mommy"; like the time we were showing her new underwear in the package to her friend who was joining us for dinner. We played keep-away from Deanna who was trying to reclaim her undies. Her friend was convinced we were all bonkers and Deanna still cracks up when telling that story, but it's times like that when she calls me "Evil Mommy".

There was also the time we were coming home from church on Sunday. It was a dreary, cold morning and we were all VERY tired from the trip we had taken the previous day. As we sat in absolute silence at a long stoplight, an elderly man began to slowly make his way across the street in front of us, moving like a snail. When he was right in front of us, I yelled, "Hit him, Daddy!" I was just trying to put a little levity in our morning. Apparently, though, with the low cloud cover, my voice really carried. I may have been a little louder than I intended, too. Anyway, the poor little man heard me, jerked his head up, looked me straight in the eyes and began running for the side of the road. He went from wobbling and barely walking to running for his life. The children and I burst out laughing. Of course, I had been joking, but the little old man's reaction was priceless. We will NEVER forget that scene, and we recall it often when we're together as a family. It STILL elicits peals of laughter from all of us except Don. I think that's when Deanna gave me the nickname, "Evil Mommy".

Anyway, back to her friend. I think it has a lot to do with their age and the fact that they're all dealing with insecurities right now. Nobody wants to feel like they're a laughing stock, even if they thought the incident was funny.

The moral of this story: I'm trying to teach Deanna to lighten up and see the humor in life. Choose to not be hurt or offended. It's a very hard lesson for ALL of us, but particularly hard during adolescence. If she can just get it down, her life will be less stressful and she'll get along better with everyone.

As for our dear little friend with the ball - out of respect for her, we won't bring it up. When she's older, we may remind her of the story. I expect, by the time she's out of school, she'll see the humor in it, as well. But for now, we'll protect her self-image and try very hard to not laugh at faux pas involving Deanna's friends.