Gifted in Different Ways

Daelyn and I were in the van yesterday on the way to school to pick up Dane and Deanna when he started professing his love for his brother.

"Daney is my favorite brother. Well, he's my only brother, but he's my best brother. He's my best friend, too. I love him."

I was very touched by his affection and it got me started thinking.

Everyone loves Dane. He's one of those children that's, just, sugar-sweet. Sweetness and kindness just oozes out of him. Although he's all boy and a child, at that, and has times when he's quite a stinker, he's basically very obedient, gentle, and SWEET. He's so much like Don. His daddy must have been the same way as a child. The only reason Don doesn't ooze sweetness to everyone now is that he's so quiet, no one really gets to know him well. And, he's got this fabulous sense of humor that overpowers the sheer gentleness that really is a part of him. I see it all the time, as do his children and my family - the people who are closest to him.

Deanna is a very sweet child, but that is not her outstanding quality. She has a great sense of humor, but that is not her outstanding quality. She's extremely kind-hearted, but no one would call her gentle - just like her Mama (or at least I hope that's like me). But her strengths are more deeply hidden and aren't as obvious.

Some strengths are extremely obvious. My father has those kinds of strengths. Everyone who knows him considers him a man of prayer, tremendous virtue, and Godly strength. He can discern almost any situation and has spiritual eyes. He's had about 15 careers in his life and has perfected every one. He knows everything there is to know and is a great story-teller. My mother, on the other hand, talks less. She's a sterner-type person that doesn't have quite the sense of humor my father is famous for. When we were growing up, Daddy was an Army officer and was gone a lot, including two isolated tours to Vietnam, so my mother had to wear the hat of mother and father. It was essential to her role in our lives that she keep some distance and not be our "friend". She had to be the disciplinarian and maintain family order. She paid quite a price for that responsibility.

I was grown and had left home before it occurred to me that my mother didn't really like the burned-up, crusty edges of the casserole she fed us for dinner. She just said she liked it so we wouldn't question her and quietly took the parts that everyone else left behind, making sure her children got the best and, only when they were satisfied, taking the worst for herself. I can't even count the number of nights we ate our fill and Mama had a piece of bread with butter and honey for dinner to top off that empty spot. Although I now know she enjoys a slice of bread, it was necessity, not pleasure, that led her to meet her own hunger with bread when the remains of the meal were not sufficient.

I could go on and on about the sacrifices my mother made for her 5 children, but I'm sure you get the point. However, Mama's strengths are not the things that you first notice about her. I was a grown woman before I realized her sacrifices. It's not until you've known her for quite some time that you begin to get a glimpse into what a marvelous, gifted treasure of God's she is. Those gifts of hers are deep but don't run near the surface. She never toots her own horn, she just quietly and compassionately loves the people everyone else has discarded. She's always bringing home someone that she loves with the heart of Jesus that desperately needs that kind of love but doesn't receive it from the world.

Deanna's gifts are much like my mothers. Several years ago, Dane was sent to his room without supper for disobedience. Deanna pleaded on his behalf and asked if she could take his punishment. We made an agreement that I would give her a spanking in front of her brother as his punishment. Then they could both share a meal. Dane was shocked beyond belief to watch his sister receive three swats with the wooden spoon in his place. It was just hard for him to fathom that his sister loved him that much. But she does. And she loves Daelyn that much. Deanna has a depth and capacity for love that is sacrificial but that seldom gets seen by anyone outside our home.

There have been many nights that she's been crying when I've gone to pray over her at bedtime because she witnessed cruelty to one of her friends on the playground or she recognized some burden someone close to her was being called to bear. She notices everything and ponders it deep in her spirit. More often than not, her response is deep compassion. We often, in those situations, turn to the Lord in prayer for her friends and loved ones. She recognizes that the answer is seldom easy and almost never her responsibility. But she cries and prayers for the injustices and pain she sees in this world.

And, when possible, she tries to help. She reaches out and invites lonesome girls over to play. She makes an effort to include them in games on the playground. Last year, at Christmas, she took all the Christmas money she had saved up and asked me if she could donate it to children in orphanages. She has a generous and kind heart.

Two children - both with such tremendous gifts of love, both displaying it so differently. One is so obvious, the other, almost hidden.

When I see people that are difficult to love, when I rub elbows with curmudgeons, I must remember that not everyone is a Dane. Some people are Deannas and their gifts lie deep below the surface. But those gifts are well worth digging for.