The Nature of Relationships

The scripture for my devotional this morning was, "It is good and pleasant when God's people live together in peace!" (Psalm 133:1) The commentary talked about the importance of fellowship with other believers and said, "Your association with fellow Christians should be uplifting, enlightening, encouraging, and consistent."

About two weeks ago, we had a situation with Deanna. She wanted to sit in the front seat on the way home from school and to run errands. I told her that it's against the law (we have a front passenger-side airbag and the law states children must be 12 before they can sit in the front seat if there's an airbag) but she had to push it further and said, "All my friends do it."

She couldn't have hit a hotter button for me. I spent my teen years isolated from pretty much everybody at the private school I went to because their parents were MUCH more permissive than mine and I knew better than to even ask. I suffered for years but am much the stronger for it. I've never been "drunk" in my life and I've never done ANY illegal drugs, even in my most rebellious season. My parents drew a very clear line in the sand and, even though I didn't like it, I respected it. Even though I lived a lonely life for 4 years, I have few regrets and am a happy, contented, well-adjusted adult.

Deanna got a 30-minute lecture. I don't think she'll ever again dare to pull the "all my friends..." line. The truth is, Don and I are accountable for her. We will one day stand before God and have to justify our actions. If they (OUR actions) have endangered or permitted sinfulness, we will pay the ultimate price for that. Not only are we accountable in Heaven, but we would pay a heavy price on earth if she broke the law and we had an accident. I would be taken to Jail and Deanna could be seriously injured, even killed. God forbid she die or have brain damage. How would I ever live with myself?

I don't care what other people choose. If they are willing to risk their children's lives because "it's only a couple of blocks home from school" or they cave to their children's whims (truthfully, though, I'm not sure "all her friends", or even ANY of her friends, are really permitted to do this), they will pay the price, not me. I have no intention of paying the price for that one either here on earth or in Heaven. Deanna won't be drinking beer at 16 because "everybody else does". She won't be going to poorly supervised parties at 17 because "all my friends are going to be there". She won't be driving around at night on the weekends with a car full of girlfriends at 16 just because "everybody's else's parents think it's fine".

Other people's standards are NOT mine. My children may miss out on some things, but, in the end, I think their lives will be happier and they'll have less to regret. Life would sure be easier for them, though, if their friends supported the limits we put on them. I pray Deanna has a girlfriend who would rather come over and spend time with Deanna than ride around at night with her other friends. And I pray Deanna has the strength of character to shamelessly stand up for what her parents have taught her.

Relationships are so important to our lives. But the trick is to build ones that "uplift, enlighten, encourage and are consistent" instead of tearing down, discouraging, challenging towards the negative, and always leaving you feeling uncertain of their commitment.

I want those positive relationships for me but, more importantly, for my children. It deserves some concerted prayer and thought.