Need's Deep

About a month ago, Dane begged me to go on a Field Trip with his class to the Zoo. I don't remember all the details, but it was virtually impossible for me to pull it off. My friend, Kelly, recommended to me that I promise to go with Dane's class on their big, all-day field trip to Charlotte, NC in exchange for the Zoo one which I couldn't pull off. I took her suggestion and made a deal with Dane.

The big Field Trip is this Wednesday. When I contacted the teacher to tell her I wanted to go on it, she told me the date. Wouldn't you know? It was the only date this whole month that had something already scheduled that I couldn't change - our Choir Concert. The class doesn't expect to be back from the Trip until 6:00 p.m. and the concert starts at 6:30, a 1/2 hour drive away. Choir Call is at 5:30 and I direct the Cherub Choir, so I need to be there for Rehearsal, robing, etc. before the Concert.

I was faced with a huge dilemna, but I had promised Dane. I was able to work out the details and, with a little help from the Lord controlling traffic, we should make it with time to spare. The bus will be re-routed through North Augusta, down the road where our church is located, and will drop me and Dane in front. If we are on-schedule, we should be there by 5:40, but if we're even a 1/2 hour late, we should be okay. My parents are keeping the other two children and getting them to the Choir Call on time. Don is coming directly from work and will take us home.

As I was tucking Dane in a few nights ago, we were talking about how badly he wanted me to go with him and how hard I had worked to make it all happen. Suddenly, I remembered something that happened when he was in First Grade.

Kindergarten was only a half-day; he got out at 1:00 each day and we would read books together, do his homework, watch a half-hour show on T.V., or just play together. This was OUR time. Daelyn was napping and Deanna was in school, so that two hours was devoted to Dane. When he started First Grade, he didn't get home until 3:00 and we he had to compete with his sister and baby brother for my attention. About two months into school, he broke down one day on the playground. His teacher called me to tell me that he was sobbing in the middle of the play equipment.

"He just keeps saying, 'I can't take it anymore! I can't take it anymore!'" she told me on the phone.

What WAS it he couldn't take? The answer seemed elusive. That night, I snuggled him when I put him to bed and asked him what the problem was.

"I just can't take it anymore, Mommy," he started.

"I understand, son, but what IS it that you can't take anymore?" I asked him, trying to make some sense out of what was going on with him.

"I can't take being away from you so much!" He cupped his hands around my face and his little face screwed up into a frown as tears began to flow. I was absolutely broken-hearted. The next day, I called his teacher.

"Dane is so tender-hearted," she said. "He just needs more quality time with you. He's doing so well in school, I think you ought to schedule one day each report card period to take him out of school and just spend the day with him. I think that will help." What an understanding teacher.

I never needed to take him out for the day. The next week, they had a day off for something or other, two weeks later, they were out for Thanksgiving, and Christmas was only 3 weeks after that. By January, Dane had pushed through and was doing just fine. But I've never forgotten that and how much he needed time with me.

He's my one child that ALWAYS needs my attention. EVERY night, before bed, he asks me to come and tuck him in. He wants snuggles and kisses everynight so he can fall asleep feeling wrapped in my love. He's just like Don in personality, but so needy of my attention and affection.

It's not that the others don't need me. They have different types of needs. But Dane is the one who craves that contact with me and always wants me with him. If Don and I both have to drive our cars somewhere and we give the children an option of who they can ride home with, Dane always chooses me. I don't know WHY he's so different from the other two, just that he is.

Anyway, I'm going to Charlotte with him on Wednesday for the whole day - 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. And he's thrilled. It was a lot of work, but well worth keeping my promise to him. I keep telling myself that he won't want me with him for forever. There will come a day that he'll feel less of a need for Mommy. But, for now, his need is frequent and obvious, and I pray I will never zone out to it and leave him feeling neglected.

After all, I want him to grow up to be as wonderful a man as his daddy.