A Need for Sissy

Deanna had a friend, Faith, come over to play after school one day this week. Daelyn was taking a late nap and the girls went into Deanna's room to change clothes and play. Faith is a quiet, inside-kind of girl, so Deanna planned on them playing with her new Polly Pocket's that she got from her aunt for her birthday. They closed the door to discourage Dane from barging in and began getting out the playset.

It wasn't long before I heard Dane yelling and Deanna screaming back. Apparently, Dane had decided he wanted to play with the girls and Deanna was having no part of it. Pretty soon, Dane appeared at my elbow. "Mommy, the girls won't let me play with them and Deanna yelled at me."

Uh, oh. No playmate for Dane. I smelled trouble in the air.

"I know, son, I heard. But Sissy has a friend over and they want to play girl things. It's okay. You just need to find something to do on your own."

As if the bugle of the Calvary was blowing, the phone rang. It was Grandpa, asking Dane to run up to his house and pick up some things he had for the kids. Dane gladly responded and returned with puzzles - ranging in size from 500 pieces to 1,000.

"I'm going to do one of these puzzles," he announced. Thankful for the distraction, I suggested he set it up in the den.

It wasn't ten minutes later when a whiny voice greeted me, "I can't do this puzzle alone. The pieces are so SMALL. Can you help me, Mama?" I snickered. Dane loves puzzles and works them often - but his have 50 pieces or less and most of them have thick, large pieces that fit onto a board that has the outline of each piece cut into it. I knew he needed help but all I could think about was the list of things I had to accomplish in the next few minutes so I could start dinner in ten. I really didn't have time to work a puzzle with my little, lonely guy.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I just don't have time. I've got to get these chores done before I cook dinner. Just sort out all the pieces, find all the edges, and then try putting the edges together by matching colors."

It wasn't ten minutes before I heard Dane whining again. I went into the den to check on him. He was sitting on the floor, surrounded by puzzle pieces, and was getting very upset. "I can't do it, Mama. I need Sissy to help. There are too many pieces and I just CAN'T do it alone."

"Son, we already had this conversation. Sissy has a friend over and they want to play with each other. You're just going to have to do the best you can."

To my amazement, Dane started to cry. He's a real sensitive little guy, but not unusually emotional, and I was shocked to see him crying over this puzzle.

"Son, it's not that bad. If the puzzle's going to make you cry, let's just put it away."

"It's not the puzzle, Mommy. I just MISS Sissy."

I choked on a laugh. I didn't want Dane to think I was mocking him, but this seemed a little over the top. She had been in her room playing for all of 45 minutes.

"What do you mean, honey," I aked. "Why do you miss Sissy? She's only been playing with Faith for a little while."

"I didn't get to see her at school today. I always see Sissy, but not today. I MISS HER. I just need some time with my sissy," he complained softly. Then he began crying harder.

Oh, my goodness. What do I do now? I decided dinner could wait and began working the puzzle with Dane, cooing at him in a effort to calm him down. I showed him how to sort the pieces by type and color and we began piecing together the frame.

About 20 minutes later, Deanna wandered into the den. I told her that her brother was struggling because he hadn't seen her at school. "He did so see me," she retorted. "He was playing soccer at recess and ran right in front of me to get the ball."

Dane spoke up. "I didn't see you, sis. Are you sure I ran by you?"

"Yes, Dane, you ran right in front of me chasing the ball."

"I never saw you. I must have been watching the ball too hard."

"I wondered why you didn't hug me," Deanna commented. My ears perked up. I had no idea what she was talking about.

"Deanna, what do you mean he 'didn't hug' you?" I asked.

"Whenever Dane sees me at school, on the playground or at lunch, he always runs to me and hugs me,"she explained. "When he ran by me, he didn't stop and hug me. That's not like him. I wondered about it."

Hmh, I thought. I should have known. Dane and Deanna are very affectionate with each other. But I never had any idea they were affectionate at school, as well. I was very surprised to hear that this little boy who won't kiss me goodbye in the mornings in front of his friends hugs his sister everytime he sees her. I'm thankful they have such a close relationship. We have worked very hard to develop this kind of a relationship between our children. I just didn't know we had succeeded.

Before bed that night, Don encouraged Dane to snuggle me. I was sprawled on the couch, struggling with a bad cold. "No," Dane said, "I want to snuggle Sissy."

Deanna was sitting on the floor in front of the loveseat. She giggled. "Come here, baby. Sissy will snuggle you."

I laid on the couch, watching my two oldest children wrap their arms around each other. They giggled, smiled, and hugged. Dane was content to lay his head on his sister's shoulder and sit close to her. They sat quietly for about five minutes, just hanging onto each other. Then I shooed them off to bed. Dane was happier than I had seen him all day and Deanna was pleased that she had been able to "mother" her little brother.

It appears that, in addition to making sure Dane gets enough time with me, I'm going to have to make sure he gets adequate time with his sister and baby brother. His emotional needs reach beyond his parents. I knew he was close to Deanna and Daelyn, I just didn't realize how close and how much he needs them. I'm very pleased to see him growing closer to them, not away from them as his life becomes more independent and involves more people and activities than previously. I just hope I can handle making sure his needs are met.