Maturing

James Dobson has a program that he encourages parents to do with their 11 through 13 year old children. It's called "Preparing for Adolescence" and it involves the same sex parent taking the child off, preferrably for a weekend, and reading through (or listening to the CD's) a book about what will be happening to them over the next 5 to 8 years. The purpose is to open channels of communication between daughters and their mothers or fathers and their sons while preparing your child for the hardest season their will ever tackle. He recommends doing a chapter in the book, then reviewing the discussion questions in the accompanying workbook, then breaking and doing some fun activity together. Later, the next chapter in the book should be tackled in the same way - work, then play. During the playtime, children often feel much less threatened and will ask more questions as they ponder what they've just heard and discussed.

Don and I bought the materials from Focus on the Family when we visited there this past summer. Deanna and I are planning a weekend trip in March for our "Retreat". In preparation for our time together, I've been reading the book. Last night, I started the chapter "What's Happening to my Body?" Since the material can be used with either sex child and Dobson believes that girls need to better understand the challenges boys face during this time in their lives and boys need to have the same understanding about girls, there are sections on the changes both sexes with experience. He addresses boys first.

I read about how their voices will begin to deepen, their strength and agility will greatly increase, and their bodies will begin to look less child-like and more manly. I've watched as Deanna's body has metamorphoused from a darling, chubby little girl into a beautiful young woman with a very curvaceous figure. That transition has already occurred. But I hadn't given any thought at all to the boys. Reading the book reminded me that they'll experience a change, as well, and I'd better be prepared.

Dane had his 8-yr. old check-up with his Pediatrician today. As he laid on the table, the doctor laughed.

"Patti," he commented to me, "look at how tall he's gotten!" Sure enough, Dane was almost as long as the treatment table. He's been fairly healthy the last couple of years and we haven't needed to take him to Dr. Miller too much, so it was a shock to both of us to see how much he's grown. Dr. Miller had him remove his shirt and walk across the room, checking his gait. I was struck by the sweetness of this little boy's body. He's chubby (although really quite thin - it's just that childish rounding) and just looks like a little boy still. I told Dr. Miller about our plans to take Deanna away and work through the Workbook with her. He was very pleased that she and I were doing that.

"Won't be long before Don will need to schedule a weekend with him and Dane," he said. It's true. I hadn't thought about that until last night, but it will be here before we realize. Dane will begin to change and mature, he'll be less open with Mama and not want anyone in the bathroom while he's in there. His body will lose its roundness and his muscles will become more obvious. This season of childhood is SO SHORT!

Somehow, realizing that the boys will someday grow up hit me very hard. For Deanna, it was an adventure - my only girl, my precious daughter, someone to share everything with. One day, I'll be there as she labors to birth my grandchildren. Puberty for Deanna was an exciting time. I can't say I feel that way about the boys. It seems to me that puberty for boys drags them away from their mothers, not towards them, like girls.

This is something I need to commit to prayer. It's probably the Lord bringing this up now to prepare me for the eventuality. And I sure know I need some preparation time.

I'm going to watch my nephews real closely as my sweet James prepares for his wedding in April. Maybe I can glean some hope from that as I recognize where my sons will one day be.

But, for now, I'll cherish the little boys and the sweetness that stills rests between us. These are days I never want to forget.