We've been clamping down on Daelyn lately. He is much more aggressive that Dane ever will be. Our biggest problem with him is that he hits, kicks, bites, punches...when he's frustrated, which seems to be all the time. Deanna and I used to jokingly say that he had entirely too much testosterone. But I came under conviction that God gave him all that testosterone for a reason. We don't want a wimpy boy who grows up into a wiener man. We want strong, aggressive boys who will grow to be strong, confident men, willing to protect their families, friends, their country, and their way of life.
Despite the good of testosterone, Daelyn needs to learn to control his aggression. After several mutations of discipline, Don and I finally came to a time-out. Anytime Daelyn is violent, he gets a 3-minute time-out on a stool in the kitchen. We set the kitchen timer and he can get down when the timer beeps.
He spends lots of time on the stool. One day, he had 7 time-outs back-to-back - 21 minutes on a stool doing nothing for a very active little boy. It does appear that his violence is coming better under control. I'm trying to teach him to not react with his fists or feet - instead, to come to Mama to intervene in a problem with his brother (the typical antagonist). If he could learn to talk before acting, we'd be getting somewhere.
Even though he is a bulldog, he has a gentle spirit. I still don't completely understand how this is possible. If he accidentally hurts me, he is very quick to say, "I'm sorry, Mama, I'm sorry," even at times when it's not necessary. After being disciplined, through a time-out or spanking, he's always very quick to hug me, ask forgiveness, and profess his love. He has a repentant heart. His actions just haven't caught up with his heart yet.
There are worse things in life than an active, aggressive 3-yr. old with a repentant heart. I have great hope that, as he matures, his actions will begin to submit to his heart and the result will be a strong teenager with a gentleness and understanding beyond his years. His sweetness certainly is becoming less veiled and more obvious.
We continue using time-outs and any other techniques we can think of to train him to hold off acting until he has an opportunity to think. Maybe then his heart will kick in first. It will be nice to see these two opposite sides of his personality merge into one.
In the meantime, he has a way about him that makes women all over want to grab him, squeeze him, and hug him. He's a mischievous character, but a sweet one.
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